Thanks to Our Boys, Jenin is a Thriving City (satire) Via NY Transfer News * All the News That Doesn't Fit source - abunimah@yahoo.com Excerpted from May 3 News & Analysis: Thanks to our boys, Jenin is now a mostly thriving city [Note: This is a satirical piece!] THE DAILY TELEGRAPH May 3, 2002 By Armando Iannucci To celebrate the disbanding of the UN's proposed fact-finding trip to Jenin, Jo Salvo, Ariel Sharon's Director of Strategy and Communication, explains why it wasn't needed in the first place. THE UN this week came to its senses. We made it clear that, to get an unbiased view of what happened in Jenin, the fact-finding mission must talk only to people unaffected by the highly emotive situation in that camp, and therefore not go in. It was our opinion that the most objective facts would be gleaned from those outside it looking in, i.e. our tank commanders. However, this simple message is not being reported by the pro-Arabic Western press. In particular, the anti-Israeli bias in the British media is shockingly apparent. On television, clearly doctored images of rubble and children are being computer generated in expensive Soho graphics suites and shown on Newsnight. Newsnight? More like Nazinacht, the way it's suddenly become an obvious propaganda weapon of the twisted anti-Zionist terror campaign of Syria and Iran. Panorama? Pan-Arabic Roar of Hamas more like. Tonight with Trevor McDonald? More like Gelignite Tel Aviv McDonald's, given the pro-terrorist leanings of most ITV programming. Blue Peter? It's Blow up Jewish People, judging by the amount of anti-Israeli bilge pouring out of children's presenters' faces these days. Tomorrow's World? More like, Today Jerusalem, Tomorrow the World, given the Arafat-loving suicide programmers at the BBC. The Antiques Road Show? More like The Anti-Tank Weapons Fired on Road Block Officials Simply Maintaining the Security of Israeli Borders against an Organised Assault Backed by the Palestinian Authority Show, given the known anti-Semitic views of the antiques trade. So what are the facts that the UN wanted to find? First, satellite photos of the parts of Jenin attacked by Israeli forces show that the rubble and destruction of limbs is limited to a tiny five square yards of the camps. Overhead photographs reveal that the rest of Jenin has been cleaned by the Israelis and supplied with a new and complex irrigation system and lines of newly planted avocado trees. Israeli troops, at great personal risk and under constant fire, moved steadily through the streets of Jenin and converted the lofts of as many houses as they could. Planning permission was rushed through in several districts for additional living space, and some soldiers stayed up through the night to clear away unnecessary paperwork. Jenin is now a mostly thriving city, with a lively cultural nightlife and strong enough to mount a creditable Olympic bid. That's not what you're being told though, is it? If you listen to the anti-Zionist, anti-Semitic counter-Israeli rantings of Israeli state television, you will simply hear stories about how houses are being bulldozed with people in them. What we're not told is that the bulldozer is a precision weapon, often more accurate than a bullet. A new generation of smart-dozers has been designed to disable, rather than kill, by knocking three-storey buildings on to a designated tiny micro-patch of skin on the suspected terrorist, at minimum cost to the lives of those around him. So far, these smart-dozers work extremely well, but only on buildings made of rubber. The terrorist knows this, and it is the terrorist's fault, and his alone, that he chooses to hide in buildings made not from rubber, but from concrete and steel. Also, if you have been drip-fed the anti-Jewish hate propaganda of former Israeli servicemen, you would have heard stories of how food was prevented from entering Jenin or the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem. What they don't tell you is that the food was not let in because it was sub-standard, but this should be rectified when all the avocado trees bear fruit next year. This is part of Sharon's attempt to engage the Palestinians in an intelligent cultural debate about having a shared history, culminating in sharing with them the noble history of being starved by the enemy while confined to a small ghetto. * Bush, nuanced when scripted, fumbles off the cuff Deutsche Presse-Agentur May 3, 2002 Washington--Veteran White House watchers know that President George W. Bush can deliver nuanced, balanced statements when he sticks to a prepared script, but can fumble hilariously when he ad-libs. Case in point: On Thursday, Bush proclaimed that Yassir Arafat was poised to "lead the world". Say again? At the very least, the idea of Arafat leading the world would be a sea change in U.S. foreign policy. The scene was a White House press conference with Bush and European leaders after an annual U.S.-E.U. summit. It started with a scripted statement about a "common vision" for peace in the Middle East. But it devolved quickly with Bush's rambling remarks that at one point even appeared headed for a diplomatic incident. Not only did he say Arafat was free to "lead the world", but he also implied that what had kept him from the leadership was being holed up in fetid conditions with "German peace protesters"! The Israeli military kept Arafat under siege for a month at his Ramallah headquarters, and peace activists from around the world - not just Germany - joined him during the siege. There was little water, and bathing was a luxury. In his prepared statement, Bush read a tough paragraph that concisely and elegantly called for Israel to negotiate an end to its "occupation" of Palestinian territory and demanded that Arafat clean up his act and lead his people toward peace and democracy. "A Palestinian state must be achieved by negotiating an end to occupation," Bush said, according to an official White House transcript. "But such a state cannot be based on a foundation of terror or corruption. A Palestinian state must be based on the principles that are critical to freedom and prosperity: democracy and open markets, the rule of law, transparent and accountable administration and respect for individual liberties and civil society." In that masterfully short but complex passage, Bush said it all. But just minutes later, he took a question from a reporter about how both Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon and Arafat had defied Bush. The most recent instance was Arafat's remarks after being freed through a U.S.-brokered deal, when he called the Israelis "terrorists," "Nazis" and "racists". "Are there any consequences for those who thumb their nose at the president of the United States?" the reporter bluntly asked. One might have expected an imperious, wrath-of-Washington response. Instead, in his off-the-cuff remarks, Bush not only waxed philosophical but also put Arafat into the global power role - but only after he had escaped the German peace protesters. "In this world, there are people who think the glass is half empty or half full. I tend to look at it as half full. I'm optimistic we're making good progress. After all, a week ago, there were - Yasser Arafat was boarded up in his building in Ramallah, a building full of, evidently, German peace protesters and all kinds of people. They're now out. He's now free to show leadership, to lead the world. We're making good progress," Bush said, according to the transcript. That's progress? Arafat may be glad to be liberated from poor hygiene and German peace protesters - not to mention "all kinds of people" - but the rest of the world may not rest easy knowing Yassir Arafat is now in charge. To JOIN my mailing list, which will provide you with a high quality, low-volume selection of news and analysis about the Palestinian-Israeli conflict, please send a blank e-mail to aliabunimah-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. ================================================================= NY Transfer News Collective * A Service of Blythe Systems Since 1985 - Information for the Rest of Us 339 Lafayette St., New York, NY 10012 http://www.blythe.org e-mail: nyt@blythe.org ================================================================= nytact-05.04.02-04:00:42-13246