Today's Outlook

Via NY Transfer News * All the News That Doesn't Fit


TODAY'S OUTLOOK:
                                                            
Paranoia Index: 8.9

High-pressure Arab-bashing systems moving 
across the great plains
            
12.7% chance of mid-afternoon thermonuclear bombardment

Scattered evening media-fueled bioterror panics

Be vigilant! The enemy is all around. 
Americans observing any of the following are
hereby commanded to contact the FBI immediately:

 - Brown-skinned persons conversing in heated jibberish

 - Turban-wearing persons demonstrating emotions other
   than all-American bliss and contentment

 - Sidewalk falafel vendors of ambiguous ethnicity
   who are unwilling to make change for a fifty

 - Arabic store owners or cab drivers who have not
   begun prominently displaying at least 3 American flags

 - Middle Eastern persons who become visibly uncomfortable
   and/or upset when confronted with your suspicious and
   hostile stares

 - Burka-clad transvestites

 - Any and all individuals not gushing boundless praise
   for the current administration


Courtesy of: JosePertierra@aol.com

[An appropriate report for a day on which Resident Smirk has
been attempting to un-do his Bad Week by ratcheting up the 
paranoia index with claims of "uncorroborated reports" from
one alleged al Qaeda captive who that there were threats
to "NYC landmarks, including the Statue of Liberty and the
Brooklyn Bridge." As if al Qaeda would tell... We're also going
to be shown tomorow that The Resident is Protecting Amerikkka
with a Drill to see how well the city can cope with biological
warfare. (Formerly a Top-Secret drill known only to a few
thousand volunteers, but which is now being ballyhooed on
the Evening Nooz as part of "Operation Tripod." And so it goes.]
 
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nytrc-05.22.02-00:43:32-14940